I love the "aha!" moments in life. I had one today during a conversation with a student in my introduction to journalism class. This student had asked if I'd mentor him a bit through some questions he has about the study of journalism, his career direction, how to get started getting published, etc. Today we met after class at Starbucks, and I shared with him some ideas, thoughts and advice for where he's at in life. Looking back on the conversation, it revealed a lot to me about where I'm at in life as well.
I've struggled off and on the past three years with this combination of teaching and freelance writing. Freelancing is not an easy endeavor. When I first jumped into it, I didn't know how much ambiguity I'd find, how wide open the world of freelance writing really is, and yet how alone you can feel in the midst of it trying to find your way. I was used to working full time in a newsroom, where the camaraderie with other reporters does many things for your mental health: It inspires you to keep pursuing the good stories, and it helps you deal with the things that inevitably come with the job -- office politics, angry readers, sources who don't want to talk, etc.
Freelancing cuts you off from that peer support. I work from home now, with no one to talk to most days except the sources I call on the phone for interviews. In-person interviews are a rarity now because most of the publications I work for are not local, and neither are my sources. You have to be self-motivated and self-directed. No editor is looking over my shoulder making sure the work is getting done. No fellow reporters are sparking a fire of ambition in me to keep doing my best and keep uncovering the interesting people that make reporting a job worth pursuing.
Coupled with the freelancing, I've been teaching for about three years. For several semesters I saw teaching as a bother. Frankly, I had to start teaching in order to supplement the freelancing income. I'd always wanted to try teaching, though, so I was willing to give it a chance. My first few semesters I really grappled with how to handle students who make up every excuse you can think of as to why they can't do the work on time or well enough to get a decent grade. I felt like they thought my job was to give them an A for showing up. My confidence in dealing with students grew with each little incident I had to handle -- like the students who didn't turn in papers on time and were shocked when I said, "Sorry, it's late. I won't accept late papers," or the students whose grandmother died three times during a semester and they couldn't understand why I wouldn't let them make up the work without proof of their excuses (Yes, I require students to give me obituaries if their family members die or police reports if they say they were in a car accident on the way to class.) Over time I realized I had to run my classes the way I wanted to run them. The students weren't going to run me. My life became much more peaceful after that.
Somewhere along this journey, I started to think about my two roles -- as freelance writer and teacher -- differently. Not long ago, I used to cringe when friends would introduce me as a "teacher." I didn't want to be known as one because I saw myself as a journalist who taught (or had to teach as the situation seemed to me.) I'm not sure when or how it happened, but I don't mind being known as a teacher anymore. I have started to see my students differently. Instead of focusing on the students who irritated me with all their excuses, I started to ask God to show me the students I could really invest in and mentor. Amazingly, these students started coming out of the woodwork. They started to approach me for letters of recommendation for internships. They e-mailed me after the classes they were in were long over with questions about their career directions. A few approached me on the first day of class asking me to mentor them. The student I met with today is itching to learn how to recognize what a story is and tell it effectively. He wants to be a journalist now, before he's even finished some of the basic journalism classes. I told him his passion is admirable, and he's got to hold onto that passion and protect it, but he also needs to accept where he's at and let the learning process unfold naturally. It's this weird balance between desire and patience.
As for the freelancing with me . . . that's a whole different story. I still have writing assignments coming in from regular clients, but I know there's more to do than what I've been doing. I know there are stories in me yet to be written -- I have a folder full of ideas I've sat on for several years. Pitching these ideas to magazines still seems like a daunting process, even though I have a much better handle on how that's to be done now than I did a few years back. My student's passion today stirred that ambition in me again to go after the things I know God has for me to do. I looked through some of my old clips (published articles) yesterday and was amazed that all the stories God has enabled me to do in my career. It's simply astounding the hundreds of people I've had the privilege of interviewing and telling their story. I know that work isn't done yet for me. Just thinking about it brings me to tears. Storytelling is such a huge part of what I've been created to do. I'm compelled to do it -- not out of obligation but out of desire.
The "aha" moment came today when I saw that the teaching and the freelancing really do work hand in hand for me. As a former full-time reporter and freelancer, my role as a teacher is much more real and relevant to my students. And I think teaching has made me a better journalist. It has kept my skills fresh because I have to teach what I do and do what I teach. My knowledge of various aspects of journalism has also increased immensely. As a newspaper reporter I knew practically nothing about, for example, what it's like to be a television journalist. I've had to educate myself in order to teach just the basics. I've brought in guest speakers to my classes who know a whole lot more about particular areas of journalism than I do. That's added so much to my understanding of the field.
Just like the student I talked to today, I have to accept where I'm at and let the learning process unfold naturally. There's something so settling about being able to see that.
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