A sense of loss again

Today I'm sad. I think most people across the nation feel this way after yesterday's shootings at Virginia Tech. We've had too many of these terrible events for me to count: Columbine in 1999 followed by all the copycat incidents, the shootings at the school in Bailey, Colo. last September and the Amish school shootings in Pennsylvania last fall, to name only a few. I skimmed through the coverage of yesterday's events in today's Rocky Mountain News, and tears came to my eyes.

After 9/11, I became more observant in my everyday life. I take light rail to my classes each week at Metropolitan State College of Denver, and I find myself noticing people more than I did a few years ago. There are a lot of characters who ride light rail, so I have to be careful about jumping to conclusions about my fellow riders. But still, I try to pay attention to what's going on around me. I think that's a good thing because I don't think most people don't pay that close attention. They're immersed in their books, their newspapers, their iPods and cell phones. It's easy to disengage and then be caught by surprise when something terrible does happen.

I feel extra vigilant after yesterday's events because I teach at a university. It's an urban campus with more than 20,000 students in the heart of downtown Denver. In the two years I've taught there, I've never heard anything about what emergency plans the university has in place in case of an event just like yesterday's. Several weeks ago I heard some shouting outside my classroom in the middle of my class. It sounded like distressed shouting -- like an argument, someone not happy about something. At that moment my heart squeezed in my chest and I thought, "If something happens in this building, I have no idea what to do." I immediately shut the classroom door and went on with my class. The shouting outside died down, but the fear in me was real. Something could happen anywhere, even my classroom.

This morning, Metro State sent out safety tips to all its students and faculty in case something like yesterday's shootings should happen where we are. The tips go beyond just being aware of your surroundings and reporting any suspicious activity. How about this one: "Believe what you see. As events unfold in front of you, trust your eyes and your ears as you see people running or hear the gunfire and people screaming. Many people report that they thought the event wasn't real. They think it is a movie or a joke. Stay aware of what is happening around you, and trust your instincts that something is wrong -- believe the warning!" Or this one: "Find cover. Get behind something that will stop bullets, not just conceal you. High-powered bullets can penetrate a large amount of materials. Look for brick walls, planters, mailboxes, cars or thick trees."

This list of tips is proof that our schools and college campuses become war zones when these events unfold. The bottom line is none of us -- students, teachers, staff -- are trained to operate in a war zone. That gives the advantage to the yahoos with guns who decide to take a few dozen people with them while they take out their anger on the world.

Yesterday on a radio show about the shootings at Virginia Tech, a caller brought up the highly debated issue of teachers carrying concealed weapons. It's an idea often poo-pooed by the public and by teachers themselves. The argument against it is that teachers or administrators -- even more security guards on school campuses -- with guns just compound the problem. Educators are supposed to be advocates of nonviolence, so what good does it do to have them carry guns? Plus, who's to say the teachers with weapons won't become the perpetrators? Newspaper editors and politicians in other countries blame yesterday's shootings on our American gun culture. They say we hold so tightly onto the Second Amendment right to bear arms, we've failed to protect our own citizens from the likes of Dylan Klebold, Eric Harris and now Cho
Seung-Hui.

In the emotion of yesterday's events, I gave it some serious consideration. I wondered if I could carry a weapon so I could defend myself and my classroom in case some idiot walked in and started shooting. In reality I might not do much good. These shootings happen so fast, and the professors yesterday were among the first people shot when the gunman walked into the classrooms.

Call it a reaction to fear or just getting caught up in the emotion of what happened, but now I'm thinking carrying a concealed weapon might not be such a bad idea.